This is a continuation of Part 1 "I Have To Be Honest" and Part 2 "When Pink Lines Frighten."

Choosing to be happy for an almost certainly doomed pregnancy may sound like a foolish decision, and maybe it is.  Interestingly enough, First Corinthians 1:27 says, "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."  So I guess I'm happy to be chosen.  :-) 

The moment I made that choice, my phone rang.  It was my neighbor, Meagan, who had encouraged me to take a pregnancy test, and she wanted to know how I was feeling.  My choice needed to be put immediately to the test.  "Well..." I began.  "I took the test." 

"And..." she prompted into my silence.

"I'm pregnant."

"Oh, Missy!" she paused, "What do you think about that?"

"I...  I don't know yet.  I'm thankful, I guess.  And...scared," my voice broke, and she heard my fear.  "But, I've decided to celebrate the minutes I'm given," I continued in a stronger voice, and my heart stabilized.  Yes.  I would live moment to moment, and ignore the temptation to borrow trouble from the future.  Suddenly, I really was happy.

Jeremy was out of town on a business trip for three more days, so I had time to come up with a creative way to tell him the news.  I decided not to call him.  I knew he would be wading in the same emotions I had, and that is not over-the-phone kind of news in a situation like this.  He finally arrived in town just in time for church on a Wednesday night, so I met him there.  I brought the box of cigars and handed them to him, "These are for you."  I didn't have anything else to say.  I knew it wasn't really a happy announcement for him, and I knew that right before he left me to attend the men's Bible Study wasn't a good time to announce it.  But I also knew that if I waited until we were home, the emotions involved would not have changed.  Might as well get it over with.

Our pastor had been standing nearby, and he watched Jeremy open the box.  "WHAT!?"  He shouted gleefully, "Are you really having another baby!?"  He grinned at me and clapped Jeremy's back.  I forced a happy smile to my face and nodded at him, but Jeremy stood stoically staring at the cigars.  Finally, he closed the box and handed it to me.  "Thank you," he said quietly.

"No, you keep them.  They're for you to hand out to your friends." I replied before pushing them back into his hands and walking away to my own Bible study group.  I had expected his response, but his heartache broke my heart.  After church, I asked him, "How many cigars did you give away?"

"None," barely audible.

"Why not?" I asked, but I knew the answer.

"How do you know you're really pregnant?" he queried, and I could hear the desperation in his voice.  That surprised me.  I didn't realize he would also be utilizing my ignorance-is-bliss strategy.

"I took a test."  I didn't mention that I had kept it the past three days and had been checking it periodically for any changes in positivity.

"Those can be wrong," he stated in that too-quiet, emotionless voice that I only hear on rare occasions when his heart is being guarded against intense pain.

"Yeah, they can."  I agreed soberly.  But I knew this one wasn't.  I also knew that I ought to consult a doctor, but that would make it all too permanent.

To Be Continued...
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