I have failed in my food choices over and over and over beginning Saturday and continuing on through today. On Saturday, Jeremy returned from his journeys, and the family rejoiced! We enjoyed a wonderful pancake breakfast at a maple syrup farm, and yum! The smells and tastes and love we encountered there filled my heart. At lunchtime, we hit a drive-thru KFC. For lack of any healthier choices, I ordered the 395 calorie plate: two pieces of grilled chicken, cole slaw and green beans -- then I added a 220 calorie biscuit. It certainly tasted good! I didn't really call those two meals failures, it was what followed that qualified for that title.

At some point in the afternoon, Jeremy and I both became discouraged over our lack of house and over our small, dark apartment. Instead of returning home, we began driving aimlessly, claiming that we were searching for land to build on, but we both knew we were just avoiding the apartment.

I'm an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm discouraged. I eat when I'm bored. I'm also a recreational eater. I eat for something fun to do. It doesn't help that Jeremy also eats this way. I have no one to look at me and say, "What in the world are you doing?" I took Liberty into a nearby CVS to use the restroom, and I picked up some chocolate covered cashews on my way out. (I do have to point out that this is a better choice than others I might have made in the past.) I proceeded to consume most of the container.

For supper, we ate at Taco Bell, and I didn't even try to chose something worthwhile. Sunday, I told myself, would be grocery day and time to redeem myself, but in a continued effort to avoid our apartment, Sunday brought more of the same choices.

At last, Monday! Back to a normal routine! I prepared items solely off the menu, and enjoyed a great day.

Until 8:30 PM. My nemesis.

Jeremy had insisted that we purchase a bag of Ruffles, and it called to me from the kitchen. I ignored it. It yelled at me. I walked by the cabinet and attempted to stare it down. It shouted to me, and my tummy awoke and called out happy greetings to the chips. I reminded myself of my commitment to eat nothing or in an emergency only fruit and water after supper. My tummy ridiculed, and I poured some chips into a bowl.

Today I told myself, "Today I will do right." But I didn't. I craved chips and junk food in a way that I have not craved them the past two weeks, and I gave in. I finished off the chocolate covered cashews while the girls napped. I snacked on buttered bread and skipped the good stuff like the fruits and nuts my girls were eating.

While I'm typing this blog, it is 9:30 pm, and I want to say, "Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will do right." But I wonder if I will. My heart was fully engaged in that same promise yesterday and look where I am at the end of this day. But you know what? Tonight, I will talk to my Lord. I will pour out my struggles to Him. He knows how hard this is for me. Tomorrow, He will hold my hand (and my plate, if I let Him), and together we will triumph. One choice at a time.

For now, you want to know something happy? I have succeeded at not snacking after supper this evening.

One point for me!

Oh yes, and one more point: I have been semi faithful at following along with my pilates video the past week or so, and tonight I realized that I am capable of doing TWO exercises that I could not do when I began!

I suppose there is one good thing about failure. It is always in the past.
3 Responses
  1. Beth Says:

    YOU can DO it!!!! I joined Weight Watchers yesterday! (I had OLD OLD OLD coupons from when I had joined years and years ago and they were still good for about 12 or 13 weeks free!!! So it isn't costing us anything right now since money is really tight with us!) AND this morning, I went to work out with Roger! When I got back a little bit ago, I actually MEASURED out my cereal and had a banana with it! AMAZING steps for me!! If I can do it, you can, too!!

  2. I think changing your eating habits is harder than anything in the world, I've been struggling for almost 5 years! Have faith in the strength of your Lord when you don't have strength for yourself.

  3. Suanna Says:

    Missy, you haven't failed. That is part of what happens -- we give in to temptation. Tomorrow is a new day to try again. I'm sure the healthy meals you have been eating are doing good for you and your family. Keep up the good work. Ask God to help you gain self control in your eating habits. I'm glad Jeremy is back.

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